Vested but not Vetted

I have a buyer for my house. The new title company sends me a document: "Commitment for Title Insurance. Schedule A. 4. Title to the estate or interest in the land is at the effective date hereof vested in: Wendy J. Thompson, an unmarried woman."

That's it? An unmarried woman; not poet, teacher, theologian, philosopher, lover, kind and thoughtful friend? No wonder I struggle with my single, childless status in this world. Legal language defines me solely in relation to other and never in relation to my true self. No wonder I've felt lost trying to play by society's rules of good behavior and integrity: go to college, get a respectable, acceptable, vetted, and appraised job, get a spouse (vetted again in socially acceptable pairing), have a child, buy house, control your wild, wandering, verdant soul. I don't fit in that mold and I'm tired of trying. I can only hold in integrity when I hold in center, sound in who I am and who I was created to be ~ not trying so hard to fit and merge and blend with other.

Rainer Rilke wrote in "On Love and Other Difficulties" that "Love is at first not anything that means merging, giving over, and uniting with another...It is a high inducement to the individual to ripen, to become something in himself, to become world, to become world for himself for another's sake."

This transition I am in (selling house, leaving a job, going back to school) is all about me daring to step into my true self, my true call, become who I was created to be, ripen, and trust that just being that person will be more than enough for the rest of the world. I've spent most of my life trying to be for others, helping to manifest other peoples' dreams, helping others transition into wholeness. I continually feel left behind, left out, kicked out, unappraised, unvetted, for all that I invested in the world outside my core. Now, starting today, I give attention and vested interest in MY life first.

Yesterday was a pivotal day, my last day at work (to name just one significant event). I am no longer Executive Director, titleless and free, I refuse to be defined and held in a definition not true to me. Instead I hold myself together in stable soundness, listening within to what is right and good for me as the unique creation that I am. I trust that such integrity within will serve the comm-unity around me without my having to try so hard anymore.